Friends, I’m still taking my much-needed-yet-somehow-still-crazy-busy summer break, but I am thrilled to welcome Lisa Archinal to the blog today. I have known Lisa for many years, all the way back to when she and her husband brought cookies to Mike’s and my first apartment after we visited their church one Sunday!
Lisa wrote this blog post a couple of years ago, but her words are still applicable today:
Let the record show that on Tuesday, January 25, 2012, my 13-year-old daughter left me a love note. YES! (Picture a football player who scores the winning touchdown.) In a world where teenagers are often characterized as rebellious, secretive, and distant toward parents, my teen showed evidence of actual connection.
Entering the realm of teen parenting feels a little like Katniss in “The Hunger Games”: We’re locked in this house together until the teen reaches adulthood. Who will come out alive? Will it be a fight to the death?
Relating to my teen reminds me of the day my husband taught the aforementioned daughter how to ride a bike at the tender age of five. She was excited and anxious. He was nervous but confident she could do it. He held onto her bike with both hands until he was sure she was ready. Even after letting go, he watched her closely and helped her up when she fell. In no time at all she was riding on her own.
Too often our loving children transition into distant, angry creatures trying to ride off on their own without any sense of balance or direction. From sheer panic we let go too soon, feeling like all we can do now is watch and hope for the best. Parents find themselves asking:
– Where did my child go?
– What happened to our once close relationship?
– What did I do to make them shut me out?
A mixture of hormones, social pressures, and a growing need to be independent all factor into this mess of the teen/parent relationship (not to mention the parent’s issues). What can we do? Lock them away until their 18th birthday? Put them up for auction on eBay? Don’t think I haven’t considered these options.
Perhaps there is a better way, keeping in mind I am just starting this journey. What if we:
* Listen more than talk
* Are willing to discuss awkward stuff (sex, body changes, dating)
* Remember it’s not about you
* Have rules (for both of you!) limiting technology time
* Remain calm
* Pray, pray, pray
* Family vacations, family dinners, family devotionals (see a theme??)
This is far from a comprehensive list but it’s a start. Let me be clear. When it comes to my kids, I strike out more than I hit grand slams. I depend on God’s grace with face down, total abandon. While I have done my part to mess them up, I am now and will always be, completely committed to our relationship. Though it’s natural for things to change, I am resolved to maintain close ties through these tumultuous days.
Adolescent years, I’m thinking, are a lot like the bike lesson. My teen is excited and anxious about becoming an adult. My husband and I are nervous yet confident she’s on the right track. When she falls we’ll be there to help her up. And at just the right time we will let go, but until then we are holding on with both hands.
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Lisa Archinal is a busy mother of three teens and is grateful for 21 years of marriage to her husband, Chris. Besides her involvement as a wife and mother, Lisa also serves as Marketing and Development Executive, Central Texas for Pine Cove. She loves teaching her eighth grade daughter’s Bible study at church and works as a freelance writer and speaker. Her work has been published in Proverbs31 Woman magazine as well as MOPS publications and others. One of her greatest joys has been the publication of her first children’s book, “I Love You Like…” which she says, “is a complete gift from God.”